I recently had a conversation with one of my sons-in-law.  He was telling me that he wished my daughter, his wife, was a little more conscious of household duties like doing the dishes and laundry.  He works full-time and she’s a stay-at-home mom with two kids.  She’d rather make great meals (she loves to cook), read and play with the kids (they don’t have TV), sew fun things and volunteer at her son’s school.  She agrees with him that she should be a little more aware of household duties and recognizes that households run smoother when orderly.  This was a great opportunity for me to talk about the concept that no matter who you’re married to there will be things you don’t like about them and you can focus on those things or rejoice in the things they do well.  For example, my husband is man of many talents and great virtues but he is very messy in his work areas and our bedroom, and he’s usually not really present when I’m talking to him but he is honest, kind and thoughtful. I never have to wonder if he’s telling me the truth or not.  He calls me during the day just to say hi and I know he loves to spend time with me. I know he would give me his last bite of food if we were in a dreadful situation and he would go without eating.  He’s loyal through and through. He fixes things in the house quickly and if I want to change something like flooring or paint he usually cheerfully does it.  He actually makes goals to improve himself and works on them and I love and adore this man.  I can focus on the wonderful things about him or I can get upset that his socks are on the floor again.  In some ways, when I focus on the socks on the floor it’s like saying I expect him to be perfect, that I’m not allowing him to be human.  Yes, he probably should pick up his own socks and put them in the hamper but I recognize that all of the good about him far out weighs the bad and when I focus on the bad neither of us is happy in our marriage (unfortunately I know this from experience).  The amazing thing is I never hear him complain about me, and there is plenty to complain about. He doesn’t tell me what I do wrong or what I need to change about myself.  He loves me as I am, which is paradoxical in some ways because since he never criticizes me or points out things that I do that are not great, it makes me want to improve myself and to be even better than the person he thinks I am.


  1. Nicole | 6th Apr 19

    It’s so true. We can focus on the bad qualities of someone or something, or the good. It’s all about perspective, and if you focus on the good, life is much happier!

    • Somethingsihavelearned | 6th Apr 19

      This is actually true about any relationship and I’m slowly getting better at focusing on the good.

    • Somethingsihavelearned | 6th Apr 19

      Usually if I’m focusing on the bad it’s because I’m not happy with myself and I start being negative. I have to tune in and make a mental switch sometimes.

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